He Deserved Me.
I promised myself when I got my shit together I would come back and find him. He was the only one I ever wanted. He made me laugh until my stomach hurt. Dig deeper and think harder to find answers within others as well as myself. He was going to be my everything.
“What if he’s engaged or married,” my best friend would ask.
“She’ll either go away quietly…or not…her choice. Once I claim him he won’t look back or even sideways.” I was so confident. I loved him. Or rather, I loved what I had left behind. I wasn’t sure who I was coming home to. Didn’t care. If he was broken, I’d fix him.
Guys. So many. Short, tall, rich, poor, smart, stupid, warm, cold. I’d met them all. His V card left unstamped as I handed out walking paper after walking paper. I had my target lined up in my cross-hairs. Why would I settle for rabbits and possum, with a twelve point buck in my sights?
I crawled away from a small shack on the outskirts of town to clean toilets, scrub floors, sell my hair, and the occasional term paper. It was hard. Hands raw, knees sore, back bent, I kept going. Each ache, pain, measly dollar and year bringing me closer. To him. Through it all, his V card stayed unstamped.
“I’ll be good to you.” “You’re growing cobwebs.” “You’re living a pipe dream, honey.” I heard it all but instead of letting go, I held on tighter. I closed my eyes, and ears, and legs to everything. Then one day I was ready. Time to go home.